Last month officially marks one whole year since I’ve moved, so I wanted to take the opportunity to reflect upon this last year I had.
For those who haven’t experienced it first or second-hand, moving abroad is a dream-like concept. Something magical, filled with wanderlust, and far beyond our reach. When you finally decide to move, you romanticize the idea of your new home. You’ll spend your mornings exactly how you would like, you’ll do exactly the things that interest you, you will have so much freedom and power to decide what you want to do with your life. The new culture that you will soon be able to claim as your own, that will inevitably absorb you, will paint your life with a pink paintbrush, somehow, effortlessly creating a better version of your life. Like something out of a movie.
But then you actually face the reality. This picture-perfect image of your new future suddenly turns into a blank canvas. And there is no one else who was given a paintbrush, other than you.
I’ll be honest. Moving abroad isn’t easy. Sometimes you think picking up and going is the best solution. And don’t get me wrong, depending on your situation, sometimes it is! But the truth is that you are in charge of your life. You can either be a leaf in the wind or be a bird and use the wind to guide you and help you get to where you want to go.
I didn’t realize a lot of the hardships that come with moving abroad, and as opposed to many others I know, I had it relatively easy, since I’m nearly fluent in the language of the country I moved to and I also have some family here. First of all, there’s so much paperwork you have to deal with before moving abroad. And then after you deal with all the bureaucracy of moving, you’ll finally land and realize that you have nothing. You’re starting from scratch with little to no support system in place to have your back. For me, this past year has proved to myself that I can make do from almost nothing. You arrive with no friends, no knowledge of where you need to go to get clothes, things for your apartment, where to find an apartment, the neighborhoods, where to get groceries, the currency, the public transportation, the culture, possibly holidays, the language, and the list goes on and on. And you’ll have to figure it all out as you go.
For those who’ve embarked on the journey, you can do it! You got this! It’s truly a tremendous learning experience.
And for those who are just toying with the idea:
Here are a couple of life lessons I’ve learned from moving abroad.
Bureaucracy is Everywhere
Let’s start with the more-obvious and less life-changing one. Bureaucracy is everywhere. It’s so easy to get frustrated with bureaucracy. I remember spending literally 9 hours at the DMV with my mom. I felt so bad for wasting her entire day, and I was annoyed and frustrated that I wasted my entire day at the worst spot imaginable with only an Iced Chai from Dunkin Donuts. Sometimes you think, “why is the world like this?” but bureaucracy is everywhere, and you can’t really dodge it. If you think about it, bureaucracy keeps our society in order and prevents it from dissolving into a big mesh of chaos. Yes, it sucks. But everyone has to deal with it, so just keep a positive outlook as much as possible. Talk with the people around you. Give them a smile. Or in my case, take it as spending some quality time with your mom.
Banking Systems are Different Everywhere
Banking systems are different everywhere. This sounds so trivial at first, but let me explain why it isn’t. I always saw banking as something that is fundamentally the same everywhere in the world. I don’t know why, maybe I’m naive or stupid (or both). What I mean by this is that there are many systems in place where you grew up that you might take for granted. You probably think you’re familiar more-or-less with banks or health insurance or even the process of getting a drivers license, but it’s so different everywhere. I was shocked that these basic building blocks of society can work so differently abroad.
So what I mean to say is this. The systems that we’ve put in place to regulate our society are not eternal pillars of truth. While we’ve created them to maintain our various societies in the best way we can, they work differently everywhere. Even further, systems that you’re used to might not even exist in other parts of the world!
Surround Yourself with Good People
When you move somewhere new, you might be faced with the challenge of re-building your support system. You’ll have to make new friends, find people you trust like family, and rely on the kindness of strangers. I think this one is something that everyone learns with time, but it’s so important to surround yourself with good people.
When I first moved, I struggled a lot with this. After years of not being the most social person at school, and finally having found good friends in college, I had to rebuild my social life here. I felt incredibly alone. I kept in touch with my close friends back home (and still do), but it’s important to have friends who you can see and meet up with from time to time. Ones who will lift you up, inspire you, and act as your support system in your new home. Luckily, I found a couple of good friends here that I really trust and are like family to me.
My mom always told me that you collect gems as you move through life. Sometimes you may think that a gem you’re holding is precious, but it turns out to be just an ordinary rock or worse coal. Other times you’ll discover a brilliant diamond. You need to keep your diamonds close since there aren’t so many around. What she means is this: You’ll meet a lot of people in life. Some may betray you, and some may not be a good friend. Occasionally, however, you’ll meet people who are always there for you. Good people who you can trust and who are great friends. Stay in touch with those friends and keep them close. They’re special.
Your friends also affect who you are, so you want to make sure that the friends you choose to surround yourself with are ones who you look up to, are supportive and kind, and who you really think are good-quality people. People who make you happy and lift you up (and whom you can lift up too), in addition to people who will always have your back and whom you can tell almost anything to without judgement.
Those people aren’t easy to come by, and if you have even one friend like that, you should count yourself lucky. As life goes on, it draws us apart. People get busy, they start having families, or other important things go on in their jobs. Despite this, you should always keep in touch with your diamonds. No matter how far life may take them.
Being Proactive is a Super Important Life Skill
Being proactive is a super important life skill. Especially when making friends (if you want to read some tips about making friends in a new city, read this post).
I’m just gonna cut to the chase. If you want something, no one is going to bring it to you on a silver platter. You need to be proactive and go get it yourself. When I moved, I was fresh out of college starting my real people adult life. Naturally, I both had no idea what I wanted to do, yet at the same time had the goal of getting settled, making friends, and finding a job that I liked. To create that happiness for myself, I learned I had to be really proactive. I had to put effort into all those things and chase after what I wanted. And when I discovered that certain things I was chasing weren’t serving me, I let them go. But all this comes with a grain of salt, you can’t obsess over controlling your future. You have to find your balance of being proactive, yet still be calm and relaxed.
If You Set Your Mind to It, Anything is Possible
(Even though it might be hard)
It’s much easier said than done. You need hella perseverance, but if you set your mind to it, anything is possible. I realized this only when I moved abroad and successfully found a job, got my own place, and gained independence. For me, once I set a goal and achieved it successfully, it opened my mind to the realm of possibilities. You suddenly decide you want to be a pastry chef and open a bakery? You can do that. You want to become a wise monk and live in the mountains of Nepal? You can do that too. Anything is possible. But everything also has its costs. This relates to the previous lesson. If you decide to be proactive about something you want and commit to persevering with a growth mindset, you will eventually get results.
Your Choices Dictate Your Future
This is the most important thing, that kind of sums up some of the previous lessons I’ve mentioned. Your choices today dictate your future. This applies to everything in life. I mentioned previously that if you set your mind to it, anything is possible. Well it is, but everything comes with a cost (and this can be either good or bad). If you don’t eat that cookie right now, you won’t feel a sugar crash later. If you decide to invest into learning a new skill now, in a year you would’ve mastered it already.
For me, when I moved abroad a year ago, I decided that I would grow, be proactive, learn, deal with homesickness, be in the job that I am right now, and meet the people I’ve met along the way. It’s important not to be a leaf in the wind, and instead be proactive about our choices. This is how we pave the way to using the paintbrush that we were given, instead of dropping it on the canvas and seeing what pattern ends up splattered on the page.
Moving, whether to a new school, a new city, or a new country, gives you the opportunity to rebrand yourself into a whole new person. After moving, you tend to be more conscious and aware of your actions and how you portray yourself to the world. But you don’t need to move in order to rebrand yourself. Your day-to-day choices already directly affect the person you’re becoming. You just need to be aware of them. If you see a person on the street who needs help, your choice to help or not help them shape you into becoming a more kind person or a more indifferent person. When you speak your truth, you become a more truthful person. When you talk to strangers you become a more outgoing person. Be aware and make choices wisely to help shape you into the person you want to become.
At the End of the Day, You are Alone
Apologies in advance that the title makes this sound depressing. But you can choose to look at it in a bad light or a good light.
When I initially moved, I was really lonely. But my loneliness has taught me something important. At the end of the day, you’re the only one who is in your own head. No one knows your thoughts and yourself like you do. And no one is experiencing your life except for you.
Take that as a sign. If you want to change something about your life, you are the only person who is responsible for that. Let me repeat, you are the only person responsible for changing your life. So if you’re experiencing something you don’t like, or you want to learn or have some other goal you’d like to achieve, be proactive about it because at the end of the day, you are alone. And since you’re alone, you are in charge of your own happiness. So go out there, make the world your board game, and create your happiness.
In Conclusion…
Moving abroad, or moving in general, is an amazing opportunity to learn about yourself and the world, and grow. The Jewish Babylonian Talmud writes, “meshane makom, meshane mazal“, or “one who changes his place, changes his fortune”. Changing your surroundings and moving, inherently sparks a change in yourself.
But TLDR: It doesn’t matter where you go, if you’re not going to change yourself, your habits, your group of friends, your mindset, and your actions, moving isn’t going to be much of a help. And the same goes for the flip side, it doesn’t matter if you stay in the same place, if you commit to change, you will see your actions come into fruition.
Let me know your thoughts on moving. And to those who’ve moved somewhere, how was your experience like? What did you learn?
And until next time,
Take a shans
This is so inspiring ❤️